You guys, I am offended.
Like deeply offended.
Every time I go to my kids’ school for drop-off or pick-up, even if I don’t get out of the car, I see these women with jobs outside the home. They’re in their fancy clothes from the Banana Republic or Nordstrom or Old Navy and they’ve got big diamonds on their fingers and they have the newest iPhone and they…they give me the side eye. And then their MAC glossed lips curve cruelly upwards like daggers into my soul. Like they’re saying, “Ohhh, I wore these clothes to rub the fact that you don’t work outside the home in your face, you greasy-haired yoga-pant wearing WRITER scum.”
It hurts my feelings.
Women shouldn’t wear fancy clothes to pick up or drop off. We should all be wearing the same thing, because this is America. Some nicely pressed jeans (not too tight!) and a button-up shirt (no gaps between buttons!) and some flats (nothing flashy!) would do. Hair should be pulled back. Makeup should be minimal, but tasteful. Eyelashes should not be too long. Lipstick should not be too bright.
I don’t care if you have to go home and change on your way to work. That’s what you need to do, otherwise I will a) be judging your clothes and b) have my feelings hurt.
“Margaret,” you should be saying right now, “you need to switch over to your decaf chai, stat!”
Today Yahoo had this article about women who wear gym clothes to pick up their kids. It’s one long treatise on how women only wear workout clothes not because they’re comfortable or they don’t have time to change or they’re on their way to/from to the gym, but because these moms are part of a “Lululmafia,” meant solely to lord over their smoking hot bodies over the rest of you squishy peons.
What you should do is go home and change first, because even though the people at the gym just saw your gym clothes, the good parents of delicate sensibilities at your school CANNOT HANDLE THE REALNESS. “Maybe wearing body-hugging spandex is just a fashion statement, and an opportunity to show off your buff body. Or could it be merely an aspirational status symbol, kind of like the ‘LA Law’ power suit of the ’80s was for women who longed to be lawyers?” the article says.
I live in San Diego, allegedly the 8th fittest city in the US, so this seemed like a big old yawn to me. Lots of people wear gym clothes to get their kids. Only because we’re that hot and we are rubbing it in your faces, cities 9-20000. In your faces!
Even men in workout gear are seen picking up their kids, men with biceps bulging out of their triathlon shirts. But men are so innocent of any ulterior motives that the writer of this article 100% leaves them out. Because if a man drops off his kid while wearing running clothes, he probably has a better reason than a woman, right? A woman’s just trying to send the message that you’re inferior. A man actually is going running. (And I wonder: when Cadillac does pick-up, does he sit there judging the other men on what they’re wearing? Pretty sure the answer is no.)
But women tend to cattily judge each other, even as we protest that we shouldn’t teach our daughters to do that. I suppose it springs from some animal level: we assess other animals to see whether or not they’re a threat. On some level, somebody is jealous of the other woman and wants to put her in her place in the hierarchy she made up in her head. Doesn’t that other woman know that *you’re* the hottest ticket in town? Not her! Put that firm yoga bottom away! However, we are also smart humans, which means we should be able to say, “Hmmm, it doesn’t matter that that lady looks good in her workout clothes; neither I nor anyone else is diminished because of her workout gear.”
And, guess what? I have good news for you, sister! Are you ready for it?
Ready for the news?
Lemme hear you say it!
People do not get dressed for school pick-up with the intent of shaming other people. If you think that you are making yourself unhappy. Making up stories about other people’s intent is always a recipe for depression. You cannot control or know what other people are thinking.
If I decided to not wear gym clothes to school anymore, if I decided to dress up with heels and makeup and jewelry, somebody else would then complain that I was showing everybody up by looking too good for school. “Look at that high-falutin’ author strutting around like she’s the queen, shaking her can all over town,” someone would grouse. “Ugh. Who does she think she is, showing off like that?”
I mean, judge me for flipping you off as I cut off your car in the fire lane. Don’t judge me for what I’m wearing while I’m doing it.
Judging others as if they’re always out to get you is an entirely useless and unhealthy exercise. I’ve seen this mindset of thinking, “Oh, this woman’s against me!” happen both with these kinds of click-baiting articles and in real life. I have a friend who mentioned this one woman we both knew. Woman A didn’t like going over to Woman B’s house because Woman B’s house was so neat, that Woman A felt ashamed that her own house wasn’t neat. So her solution was to not visit Woman B.
Well, if people have a neat house, they’re likely not keeping it neat to make you feel bad. They’re keeping it neat because they like it like that. They don’t give a care about your house.
And if they do care that much about your house, then they’re anal retentive weirdos. Judge them for that.
Likewise, I had a friend who said she hated going to the gym because of all the gym bunnies there, judging her. Um. How do you know somebody’s judging you (unless they write a Yahoo article)? Are you in that person’s head? The most likely story is that these women just work out a lot and are minding their own business.
Why would you let the THOUGHT of what someone else MIGHT THINK control what you DO?
Here’s my advice for today, and the rest of your life.
I was viewing a Gracie brothers video (because I sit around in my yoga pants learning how to fight) in which they watched and broke down a street fight that somebody recorded. The Gracies are members of the legendary Brazilian jiu-jitsu clan, and obviously they could fight everyone they meet, all day long, and win. “How many fights have I been in?” asked one brother. “Ask how many fights I could have been in. 6-8. But I’ve been in zero.”
“Zero?” asked the other brother. “How is that possible? Don’t you want to TEACH THEM A LESSON?”
“It’s not my job to teach them a lesson,” the first responded. “I de-escalate. I walk away.” He explained that unless a life is endangered, fighting is not really worth it.
So save the judgment and criticism and action for when a life might actually be endangered. Trying to live and control other people’s heads is not going to work.
Let’s try to be members of the Get Along Gang, here.
Also, I bet if the Gracies wore workout clothes to pick up, nobody would say anything.