Sometimes I don’t want to put anything on Facebook, because I want to use it on my blog. And then I think, wait, should I not put this on my blog, in case I need to use it in a story?

If I put a photo on Instagram, should it not go on Tumblr?

What if I need to tell this story in a book? And then you buy the book and you’re like WTF I READ THIS ON HER STUPID BLOG, stupid waste of money.

Today, in the Bougainvillea chainsaw massacre aftermath, (it’s still in the front yard, but tomorrow Cadillac’s borrowing his dad’s trailer and going to the dump), we were working on the pool. This required the filter to be disassembled and rinsed a few times. The pool filtration system needs to be rebuilt. I know this house had some plumbing issues in the past, mostly from neglect. My FIL came over with his heavy duty drain snake and snaked all the drains. A leaky shower that pooled water in the downstairs bathroom ceiling got fixed. The pool filter plumbing looks like a bored drunken toddler threw it together with Tinkertoys. There’s a kinked hose. Glue everywhere. Leaky joints.

Anyway, we messed with the pool for a long time until it was working. I had my eyes dilated today, and Cadillac came to pick me up, so we left his car in the store lot and we had to go get it. I was near the front door when I heard a gushing sound.

I opened the front door and saw a freaking river whooshing out of this plastic box that covers valves and I yelled, “Cadillac, come here quick!” and I turned off the water shut-off.

And Cadillac came out and looked at the river of mud and bougainvillea sticks and just plain water and said, “Hmph. I could have finished putting on my other shoe,” like this wasn’t a bona fide emergency and he was gravely disappointed because there was no blood. Then he sat down to put on his other shoe.

Then Gatsby ran out the front door, FREE AT LAST, and Boy chased him, which made Gatsby laugh and run away. And the more we tried to get him the more he thought it was a grand game and of course he loved the FREEDOM! I thought he’d run off and someone would find him and keep him despite the brand new GATSBY DILLOWAY tag I bought him just today, in fancy Gatsby lettering.

He ran into a neighbor’s yard and the neighbor’s dog went crazy, and then the neighbor opened his door and let his dog out. The other dog is older and wiser and wasn’t having any of his shit biting at her face, so she schooled him by pinning his neck like a mama dog, which he needs, and they ran in circles around each other for a few minutes and I thought that maybe Gatsby just went over to have a play date.

Then the neighbor’s tiny newly walking daughter toddled out and I had no control over my mouthy dog and he ran over to her, and I was like “NOOOO” because I thought he’d mouth her and at least scratch up her tender skin and knock her over. Meanwhile, the other dog ran back into their house.

Gatsby just sniffed her gently and then ran into the house, too. And I was like, Um, do I run in after him? My shoes are covered in mud. Shit shit shit and then the dog came running out again, and I pretty much tackled Gatsby on their front lawn.

When I got back to our house (only 2 houses away) Cadillac had a pick and was digging a trench for the water. He pointed to the valves that had leaked. They were covered in a green plastic housing that was in no way shape or form permanent. Cadillac said the valve was just loose and open. We’ve never touched it. Why did it suddenly gush water? What causes such a thing to happen? It took 8 turns to tighten the valve.

See how much I don’t share on my blog?