Gil Webber Killed Santa Claus

Little Girl has been asking for a Gil Webber doll. Again. I can’t believe I’m posting about Gil Webber twice on one blog.

To recap, we looked for one around Easter, and despite the best efforts of me, three Target stores, Toys R Us and the Mattel helpline, not a one could be found.

These days, old Gil is selling for over $200 on Amazon resale and over $150 on eBay. Crikey, as his girlfriend Lagoona would say.

There was a huge Monster High booth at Comic-Con with its designer, Garrett Sander, signing their Comic-Con exclusive doll– doll boxes, I should say. I thought of how I could befriend him in case he has a case of Monster High dolls he didn’t want anymore, (including a spare Gil Webber floating around in his trunk) as if he’d be totally excited to meet a women’s fiction author. Unfortunately, that doesn’t carry much street cred at Comic-Con, though it does get me a professional pass. I really need to write a book about zombies, or better yet, the next big monster.

Anyway, LG proclaimed, “Santa will bring me a Gil Webber doll.” I told her he cost too much– she’d been looking on line with her older sister. “It’s Santa. His elves will make it,” she said.

That Santa can do anything.

This inspired a lot of discussion in my mom’s group.A friend said her son asked for an expensive video game system. No dice, she said. “I’m sure you’re just telling me that so I’ll be extra surprised on Christmas,” he said.Burn, Mama!

Another friend’s 4 year old asked for Cinderella and her flying horse and carriage. Not the toy, the real thing, which she wants to keep in her yard so she can look at them. Because Santa can do anything.

A mom suggested we say Santa’s got a dollar limit, so you can’t ask for stuff above that limit– but that brings up another question– what about when the neighbor kid has a different limit? What do you say then?

Now, we do things like buy toys for needy children, but I guess she hasn’t put it together yet about why Santa brings some kids more than others.

Or perhaps she’s at the stage where she WANTS to believe, because if Santa really is real, then he will be able to produce Gil Webber, won’t he?

This whole Imaginary Seasonal Heroes thing is tricky. We have the Tooth Fairy, and the kids get $1. It’s usually a gold dollar. But some friends get $5 or $20 from the Tooth Fairy, and those kids talk about it at school, and then the kids who got $1 wonder, “Why doesn’t the Tooth Fairy like me as much?” It’s kind of terrible, the Tooth Fairy showing favoritism, as if your parents got your sister a pony and gave you a bunny costume.

And then some other yahoos do the Halloween Fairy, where the Halloween Fairy leaves cash in exchange for candy, so the parent can get rid of it. Why doesn’t the Halloween Fairy visit our house? I think the explanation for that was something like, “Well, we did see the fairy but Daddy thought it was an evil imp, so he shot it with your BB gun, and now it won’t come back.” *
Quit messing things up for the rest of humanity with your new Imaginary Seasonal Heroes!

Anyway, I know there’s a large possibility that she won’t notice the missing Gil Webber. But she hasn’t asked for expensive toys (well, Gil’s only supposed to be $15) and it’s the only thing on her list besides another Monster High doll (Operetta, I think). The gift we got her wasn’t on the list, in fact.

I don’t know why this is bothering me so much. Maybe because she’s had to face some hard truths over the past year. Her dear aunt died just before Christmas last year. Around that very same time, we had to give away our beloved puppy because of LG’s severe allergies. The kitty disappeared forever (I just hid his Christmas stocking from the kids). Great-grandpa just passed away this week at age 99– ripe old age, to be sure, and the older kids understood and were stoic; but Little Girl burst into hard tears. She had played plastic animals with him, he in his wheelchair, she standing, a table in between.

I don’t want to kill off another childhood-magical notion.

*We gave our candy to the troops this year (to which I thought, hmm, are we imposing tooth decay and obesity on our armed forces? but decided that their 2 hours of exercise each day will take care of the extra calories. They can brush their teeth.)

Published by Margaret Dilloway

Middle grade and women's fiction novelist. FIVE THINGS ABOUT AVA ANDREWS, (Balzer + Bray 2020); SUMMER OF A THOUSAND PIES. MOMOTARO: Xander and the Lost Island of Monsters (Disney Hyperion); TALE OF THE WARRIOR GEISHA and SISTERS OF HEART AND SNOW, out now from Putnam Books. HOW TO BE AN AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE was a finalist for the John Gardner fiction award. THE CARE AND HANDLING OF ROSES WITH THORNS is the 2013 Literary Tastes Best Women's Fiction Pick for the American Library Association. Mother of three children, wife to one, slave to a cat, and caretaker of the best overgrown teddy bear on Earth, Gatsby the Goldendoodle.

4 thoughts on “Gil Webber Killed Santa Claus

  1. This breaks my heart! I looked for the Gil Webber doll & couldn’t find a less expensive option. I can’t believe this is so collectible?! And the other Monster High dolls are like $15?!! I will keep looking around for you. I hate that Santa will disappoint… đŸ˜¦

  2. The Tooth Fairy still pays 25 cents at our house, often a day or two late. No one seems to mind so far. In fact, I caught the youngest trying to pass off a cleverly cut (and just slightly colored) piece of cardboard as a tooth. Anything for a quarter…

  3. There is not a male Monster High doll, except the do-it-yourselfers that you can get for under $45 and that’s because it’s a newer doll still in production. My daughter is 5 and wants any of the boy dolls. I just can’t bring myself to pay triple or more when I can buy many of the girls for the same price. Of course now Toralei and Melody and Purrsephony are outrageous too! As far as Santa goes, I have always told my kids that because there are so many children Santa can not afford to buy all those presents, so mommy and daddy have to pay Santa. The elves can not make everything they want, like video games, etc.They seem to understand that and it makes it easier to explain that other kids get more or less based on what their parents can afford. It works for us anyway.

    1. We just found Deuce Gorgon at Target yesterday. The thing about Target is it says “in stock” for a specific doll, but it really means that there are some non-specific dolls in stock. Pure luck. Anyway, for Christmas my dad surprised us with a Gil Weber. Personally I was prepared to go the “sorry, you’re not getting that,” route.

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