Things That Will Surely Make the Aliens Blow Us Up


How many random alien believers will this title bring?

Do you ever wonder if there’s a race of superintelligent beings someplace else in the solar system who will one day think about demolishing the earth (like in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, for an intergalactic speedway) unless they can find some reason, some sign of intelligence, that will convince them we are a worthwhile species?

It keeps me up at night.

Not really. But after being confronted ONE TWO punch by first Guy Fieri, TV “chef” on my box of Christmas Ritz crackers, thankfully missing the sunglasses on his head:

(At least he caused some comedy to occur on SNL, which is always hit and miss these days: saturday-night-live-update-guy-fieri)

and then BOOM: another punch to my eyeballs in Sears, whilst I was innocently buying an air cleaner, the Kardashian Collection, where Kim Kardashian Superstar is trying to make some kind of peaked shoulder Evil Emperor look come into style:

and then a third unexpected affront by these Jersey Shore ornaments, originally found & pointed out by my friend in an Annapolis store, but also available on MTV shop (which I am not linking to, Google it yourself):

(Um, pardon me, Snooki, is your CROTCH showing below your dress?)

I figure we are doomed.

Published by Margaret Dilloway

Middle grade and women's fiction novelist. FIVE THINGS ABOUT AVA ANDREWS, (Balzer + Bray 2020); SUMMER OF A THOUSAND PIES. MOMOTARO: Xander and the Lost Island of Monsters (Disney Hyperion); TALE OF THE WARRIOR GEISHA and SISTERS OF HEART AND SNOW, out now from Putnam Books. HOW TO BE AN AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE was a finalist for the John Gardner fiction award. THE CARE AND HANDLING OF ROSES WITH THORNS is the 2013 Literary Tastes Best Women's Fiction Pick for the American Library Association. Mother of three children, wife to one, slave to a cat, and caretaker of the best overgrown teddy bear on Earth, Gatsby the Goldendoodle.

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