I hate buying jeans. I hate it even more than buying a bathing suit. (I don’t mind bathing suits anymore, because now I wear board shorts and a tankini top. Why should men be the only ones who get to wear shorts? They make them for women. They’re very practical.)

Anyway, I’ve tried lots of different jeans. Remember when Oprah had her jeans episode? Jeans for all shapes and sizes? I should have been on that show. None of those styles worked.

There’s nothing like trying on a pair of jeans to mess with your body image. I remember going to the True Religion outlet a few years ago. Nothing fit. Not even their biggest size. Suddenly I felt like Fiona from Shrek, big and ogre-ish, misshapen.

I know, analytically, that I am not any more misshapen than the next person. I am just not a standard size, the kind used for a fit model. I know because I went to a Nordstrom call for a fit model up in Seattle, BK (before kids). I met the measurement sizes for a “size 10 pattern” (though off the rack, at the time, I was a 6). The lady took my measurements and said my hips were too low, my torso too long.

I just put on a pair of jeans I got at Costco. Calvin Klein. They fit perfectly in the hips, but are too big in the waist. So I put on a belt. But that darn poochy tummy, relic of three pregnancies, sticks out when I sit down.

Which leads me to ponder: if I got a tummy tuck, would jeans fit any better? They’re already too big in the waist. Would they just fit better upon sitting?

Even some manufacturers vary. For example, I got a pair of DKNY pants. They fit great. I looked lighter and fitter. Later, I try to get another pair of DKNY pants. Same brand. Same style name. Only these don’t fit at all.

I have no solution for the jeans dilemma. I know many women, regardless of their shapes and sizes, have some of the same frustrations. Maybe the only solution is elastic waist pants, which everyone seems to realize, in unison, around retirement age.

I tried on some “curvy” body type pants at Target. Target now has different types of cuts, with codes, for all their pants. Straight, curvy, “boyfriend,” etc. Those curvy ones fit better in the waist, but the hips are too big. I know Levis makes some, too: they have three types. When I go to a store that sells Levis, though, they have been out of my size. How many stores must I visit before I can try on a pair of Levis? Maybe it means they’re good, though. Hmmm.

The Levis people tell me I need “Supreme Curve,” which is not pictured on their ad below. I must admit, being called “Supreme Curve” makes me feel a lot less Fiona-like.

It says there’s a Levi’s store down in Horton Plaza (downtown San Diego) so perhaps I’ll have to venture out there.

 

UPDATE:

I went downtown to the Levi’s store. Guess what? No Supreme Curve. They only carried the above– and nothing fit. The cut varied according to material. For example, a 30-34 in a Straight Leg, Bold Curve, Dark Wash was larger than in the light wash. And the leg length also affected the rise and tightness in the crotch.

So, if the Levis store does not carry them, I guess that leaves online– but I spent about 40 minutes trying on jeans today.  I don’t think I want to do that online.