Christmas Day Shenanigans

When our kids get up, they’re allowed to look through their stockings until everyone else gets up. Cadillac’s parents always provide the stocking contents, which range from things like practical sundries (Cadillac always gets a multipack of disposable razors) to things they picked up during their year’s travels, to small toys.

Our son was up first. I’m not sure if he slept the entire night; the new kitty or his bladder got him up throughout.

His squeals of joy woke the other kids.  In fact, if he had only gotten the stuff in his stocking, he would have been set. Witness:a giant Costco-sized jar of Nutella in his stocking and a book from the Grand Canyon called, WHO POOPED IN THE PARK? A guide to animal prints and scat (poop).

What more could a 9-year old boy want for Christmas? Immediately he wrote his name, in print much neater than what he uses at school (because obviously this is of much greater importance) on the jar. But he still generously shared with his sisters.

The girls got new bikes, Little Girl a princess bike with training wheels and Eldest a regular grown-up mountain bike. My dad got our boy a new scooter that shoots sparks. Sparks! There are “Warning: May Cause Fire” signs all over it. Awesome.

Cadillac’s dad, I think, got Little Girl a variety of Barbie-sized non-Mattel furniture from the swapmeet. I say it’s from the swapmeet because it has errors of the English language not normally found in U.S. items, as you can see on the “My Fancy Life” box below.

And check out Barbie’s admirably stocked liquor cabinet:

I’m pretty sure U.S. toymakers don’t promote liquor quite so heavily.

The liquor bottles came with a china cabinet, which pictures “Gloria” wearing a pink negligee and sporting a heavily sprayed bouffant hairdo. I don’t know. I think she needed a pack of Marlboros to complete her ensemble.

My dad gave me a pair of sparkly earrings. I put them on and asked my family how they looked.

“Beautiful,” my husband said.

“Very pretty,” my oldest daughter said.

“They make you look like a cheap woman!” my youngest said with a big grin.

We all paused for a second, unsure we had heard correctly and trying not to laugh. “Do you know what that means?” I asked finally.

“Nope. I was trying to make a corny joke!” she said.

We explained how that might not be such a nice thing to say, etc. etc., but I have to admit, it was pretty darn funny.

Here are my Cheap Woman Earrings:

Published by Margaret Dilloway

Middle grade and women's fiction novelist. FIVE THINGS ABOUT AVA ANDREWS, (Balzer + Bray 2020); SUMMER OF A THOUSAND PIES. MOMOTARO: Xander and the Lost Island of Monsters (Disney Hyperion); TALE OF THE WARRIOR GEISHA and SISTERS OF HEART AND SNOW, out now from Putnam Books. HOW TO BE AN AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE was a finalist for the John Gardner fiction award. THE CARE AND HANDLING OF ROSES WITH THORNS is the 2013 Literary Tastes Best Women's Fiction Pick for the American Library Association. Mother of three children, wife to one, slave to a cat, and caretaker of the best overgrown teddy bear on Earth, Gatsby the Goldendoodle.

3 thoughts on “Christmas Day Shenanigans

  1. Your Christmas was hysterical. Between the cheap woman and that scandalous faux-Barbie set, I wish I was at your house. LOVE Gloria and her liquor cabinet, by the way. Looks like an ode to the 1960s!

Thoughts? Comments?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: