Christmas Catalogs


The lady who used to live in this house subscribed to a few catalogs. By a few, I mean dozens. The postal carrier arrived laden with catalogs bundled together with a thick rubber band, too big to put into the mailbox, every day during December.

Most were of no use to us, but they’re fun to look at. I like to thumb through and imagine (or wonder) what kind of person might purchase these items.

For the wannabe “real housewife” in your life, a collection of snazzy fake furs. Fake tan and duck lips sold separately.

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I’m not sure who’d buy this next clown item, only that I would not want to be friends with them unless they would let me drop the statue off a roof.  I think some evil character in my next novel should own this statue.

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Anyone need to grapple a short polar bear?  This is obviously owned by Mark Trail and his Fist O’Fury.

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This last is my favorite. Santa’s crack problem, gloriously illustrated in full color like a Norman Rockwell print.

Would you please check out how freaking strong Santa’s hands look? Meanwhile, poor Mrs. Claus’s hands appear twisted and ravaged by arthritis.

Published by Margaret Dilloway

Middle grade and women's fiction novelist. FIVE THINGS ABOUT AVA ANDREWS, (Balzer + Bray 2020); SUMMER OF A THOUSAND PIES. MOMOTARO: Xander and the Lost Island of Monsters (Disney Hyperion); TALE OF THE WARRIOR GEISHA and SISTERS OF HEART AND SNOW, out now from Putnam Books. HOW TO BE AN AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE was a finalist for the John Gardner fiction award. THE CARE AND HANDLING OF ROSES WITH THORNS is the 2013 Literary Tastes Best Women's Fiction Pick for the American Library Association. Mother of three children, wife to one, slave to a cat, and caretaker of the best overgrown teddy bear on Earth, Gatsby the Goldendoodle.

2 thoughts on “Christmas Catalogs

  1. Love it!! I love looking at catalogs, too. Who would pay nearly $300 for a statue of a clown?? Imagine the face of someone who unwraps THAT gift!

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