Cloning Husbands

I saw a documentary about some men who have multiple wives (“wives”) and I got to thinking, Hmmm, what about multiple husbands? I mean, most men are good at several different things, but the only problem is they have to work and surf and take care of kids and fix stuff and fight and who has time to do it all at once?  Since cloning is still far off and even more ethically questionable, what if you had multiple husbands? Don’t you wish that your husband could multiply himself, so he could simultaneously  install tile while he is at work?  You could have one for every occasion.

My nominees:

1. Guy from the TV show “Holmes on Holmes”: The Ultimate Honey-Do list husband who will build everyone their own private house.

2. Alton Brown: The foodie husband who takes care of your gadgets but possibly can’t be counted upon to have dinner on the table reasonably because he’ll insist on making the tortillas from scratch.  It was a toss-up between him and Curtis Stone, who is really cute, but disconcertingly pretty.

3. Undetermined geek who will take care of computers and electronic equipment and tell you which cell phone to buy, or jimmy rig your cell phone for you.  Possibly Alton Brown’s second role.

4. Christian Bale: the Artistic Husband Who Yells and Talks in a Voice made Gravelly from Yelling and Does Weird Method Acting Stuff.  And also, you could not just live with Christian Bale alone, because he’ll do things like lose 100 pounds for a role and probably make you call him by the character’s name.  And he can fit the role of money maker.And also mostly because I love Newsies and wanted to post this mash-up.

Who would you choose?

Published by Margaret Dilloway

Middle grade and women's fiction novelist. FIVE THINGS ABOUT AVA ANDREWS, (Balzer + Bray 2020); SUMMER OF A THOUSAND PIES. MOMOTARO: Xander and the Lost Island of Monsters (Disney Hyperion); TALE OF THE WARRIOR GEISHA and SISTERS OF HEART AND SNOW, out now from Putnam Books. HOW TO BE AN AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE was a finalist for the John Gardner fiction award. THE CARE AND HANDLING OF ROSES WITH THORNS is the 2013 Literary Tastes Best Women's Fiction Pick for the American Library Association. Mother of three children, wife to one, slave to a cat, and caretaker of the best overgrown teddy bear on Earth, Gatsby the Goldendoodle.

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