Things I Automatically Do Even When My Kids Aren’t Present


I was thinking about this today when I caught myself doing several of these things. Then I stopped and thought, Wait, I don’t have any kids with me, I don’t need to do this!

  1. When I turn on the TV, I automatically change it to Disney.
  2. When I get out of my car, I open the back door, no matter what.
  3. I cut my meat into tiny pieces all at once.
  4. I reach for a hand when crossing the street.
  5. I have to stop myself from using my own spit to clean people’s faces.
  6. I look at the kids’ menu first at every restaurant.
  7. I listen to people’s coughs. I can tell the difference between an allergy cough, a just-getting-sick-cough, a getting-over-it-cough, and a you-need-to-see-the-doctor-right-now cough. It’s like having cough perfect-pitch.
  8. I say, “What color is your snot?” when my husband blows his nose.
  9. I make sure my purse has enough snacks for a Girl Scout troop, hand sanitizer, tissues, medicine (Sudafed, ibuprofen, cough drops, gum, motion sickness) before venturing out.
  10. I constantly worry about whether people are warm enough, even if I don’t know them.
English: Fred Ott in mid-sneeze. Still from 18...
English: Fred Ott in mid-sneeze. Still from 1894 motion picture Kinetoscopic Record of a Sneeze, the earliest copyrighted film. Presumably the copyright has now expired. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Mainers in Shorts with Skis
Are you sure you don’t need a pair of paints, sir? /Mainers in Shorts with Skis (Photo credit: smilla4)

Published by Margaret Dilloway

Middle grade and women's fiction novelist. FIVE THINGS ABOUT AVA ANDREWS, (Balzer + Bray 2020); SUMMER OF A THOUSAND PIES. MOMOTARO: Xander and the Lost Island of Monsters (Disney Hyperion); TALE OF THE WARRIOR GEISHA and SISTERS OF HEART AND SNOW, out now from Putnam Books. HOW TO BE AN AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE was a finalist for the John Gardner fiction award. THE CARE AND HANDLING OF ROSES WITH THORNS is the 2013 Literary Tastes Best Women's Fiction Pick for the American Library Association. Mother of three children, wife to one, slave to a cat, and caretaker of the best overgrown teddy bear on Earth, Gatsby the Goldendoodle.

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